At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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