break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
