I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
