tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i would one night stand the shit outta him
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
