I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
