There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize