im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
