She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
