Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
