I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Still dying that you shit outside
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
