Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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