I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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