just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize