Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize