i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
