I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
