i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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