alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
