I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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