Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
