So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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