Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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