I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
