You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
