I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
