i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
