hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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