I just made out with a guy for $7.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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