So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
