11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
