Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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