I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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