dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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