apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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