Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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