due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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