No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
