I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
