new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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