I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
