I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
