Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
