Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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