i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
