if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize