he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
