You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
