do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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