When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
