OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
