I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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