ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
