I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
