Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
