and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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