You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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