I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Can I color on your dick again?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm really busy with my period
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