State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize