Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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