Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
