Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
