I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
