theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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