I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
