You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
