apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
