I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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