you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The best revenge is premature balding
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
