Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
PANTIES FOUND
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