That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
