Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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